just me and my boy

 This whole moving-having a baby-changing careers thing is craziness.
Poor Kent. My attitude about the move hasn't been very positive so far; he probably feels like there's just no pleasing me.

So I stayed up late Saturday night, sitting in the dark until well past midnight,
just thinking,
trying to figure out what I am feeling and why.


And I came to this conclusion:
I want to move to Utah.  I always have.  I want to be that close to family, more than anything!  (And honestly, being this close to Kent's family instead would have made me just as happy. I'm just glad that being close to one family also equals being clos-er to the other.)

But, I don't want to move now.  I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to leave my house.  It makes my heart hurt.  

I wanted to have this baby, and then settle in and have the holidays here in our own home for the first time, just enjoying being a family.  I wanted my friends to be able to watch my baby girl grow and change.  I wanted to watch their kids grow and change.

It just hurts to leave.
But this would be hard no matter when we decided to move.  So the timing, maybe it isn't so bad after all.

All that thinking has helped.  I'm focusing on the positive now, and that helps me to be the happy wife and mother that Kent and Nicholas deserve, and make the most of these next two months.

There really isn't much time left that it will be just me and my favorite little boy at home.
So I'm setting aside my to-do list every so often and simply being here, just me and Nicholas, laying on the couch reading books and building wobbly wooden block towers.